What is abuse by proxy?

Abuse by proxy is another term for the emotional abuse that occurs in domestic and intimate partner violence. This emotional abuse occurs when an abuser inflicts harm upon the victim through third parties.

Research has shown that those experiencing narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) have traits aligning with the profile of those who inflict intimate partner abuse. Therefore, narcissism has a link to abuse by proxy.

Once you know the signs of abuse by proxy, it is much easier to get help for yourself or a loved one. Signs of this type of emotional abuse include:

1. Loss of power and control

2. A sense of entrapment within the relationship

3. Feeling unsafe or that danger is imminent

4. Receiving consistent ridicule from your partner

5. Feeling dominated and intimidated by your partner

6. Experiencing issues instigated by your partner

Emotional abuse can lead to intense and long-lasting effects, including emotional distress, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, and depression. Such abuse isn’t only harmful to the victim. It can be detrimental to children in the household, regardless of whether the child was directly involved in the abuse. It can also lead them to develop post-traumatic stress disorder, behavioural disorders, and physical symptoms like bedwetting and diarrhoea.

Healing is possible. It is imperative to remember that having your community turned against you is not a regular occurrence in healthy relationships. It isn’t uncommon to be gaslit by perpetrators of abuse by proxy.

Let this article serve as an unshakable reminder that you deserve safety, healthy connections, and security. Seek out a support group, local resources in your area, and a trusted psychotherapist to get you help.